Hi everyone, this is Nour Zibdeh, thank you for joining. This is the Thank Gut It’s Fixed Show. Today’s episode is completely different than the last episodes I’ve been doing. I’ve been focused on acid reflux, and for a good reason, but today is just completely different, and I want to talk about moms. I’m a mom, I have a lot of mom friends, I know my mom, my mother in law, all the moms that are around me. There’s one thing we all have in common. There’s one thing we all do which is we’re there for our families.
What really inspired this thing, I’m gonna show you a little bit, is my son came home for Mother’s Day and he brought this thing that they made at school that I’m gonna share with you. So this picture frame that says “Mothers Are Like Buttons, They Hold Everything Together.” So it was such a sweet gesture that his teacher, she took them out to get pictures, and it’s like super nicely decorated. Of course, right? And that has been sitting in front of me since Mother’s Day, and you know, it just sparked a lot of thoughts and a lot of things just about moms. We are like buttons. Moms hold everything together.
What really sparked this, over the past few days, I’ve heard so many things, that common theme that happens: I’ll be talking to a few people on the phone, I’ve actually talked to several people, and I know that actually this episode might bother some people, and I know some people may not like what I say, but I’m just going to say it. Because I really believe that we need to take care of ourselves as moms. So what happened is I talked to a few moms on the phone, they were in pain, their digestive system was a mess. Pain was a big one. Chronic fatigue. They were not able to get up and do things, even few conversations I had with some moms, and it was affecting their confidence, their family members were telling them they’re lazy, that they won’t get off the couch, when the mom was telling me that she physically can’t get herself to move. She just wanted to come home from work and lay on the couch because she had no energy or she was in pain.
And we were talking and I’m like ‘this is great, I know I can help this person.’ Well, it’s not great actually – it’s unfortunate that she has to deal with all of this, but it’s great that she found the beginning of the end of the tunnel, the beginning of the light. And we were excited, and I’m like: “Okay this is great, we’re going to move forward, and you’re going to be on a great plan, and we’re going to address your diet.” And she comes back the next day saying “Well I thought about it and I think this is too expensive for me, or I’m not going to be able to do this, or my husband says it’s too much money to spend on me” I’m actually not coming up with this, it’s things thats spouses have said.
So it goes both ways, it can also be the wife kind of not encouraging the husband. But I tend to talk to women a lot, and that is happening. So I know this is not going to make some people happy. But you know, it’s not right for women to feel like e cannot make that mental or financial or energy investment into ourselves. So I even had one person tell me “I don’t work, so I have to ask my husband for money, it’s not my money.” It came from different cultures, it’s not one culture. And I wanted to say something but I didn’t have the guts to say it. But I wanted to think about it with you. Know your worth as the mom. So have you ever been knocked out with a fever, or the flu, and what happens to your household? It falls apart., there’s nothing for the kids to eat, they won’t have clean laundry, their homework is not done, and they’ll eat fast food for those few days because you can’t get up off the couch. And what if your health is suffering, what if your health is quietly suffering, over a few days or months or even years, maybe you’re forcing yourself to get up and do it.
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So out of curiosity, I just did the math. If you were to pay, the average babysitter cost in my area is $12-$17, so lets just say $15 an hour to round things up. If you were to pay someone to replace you, I did the math. There are 52 weeks in a year, five days in a week, working days right that’s not even weekends, 260 work days, I know there are some vacations, just go with me here, and you work 8 hours a day, $15 hour, that is $31,200 a year that if you have to pay someone to replace you, and that does not even count the drop-offs, the sports, the running the errands. All the things you have to do for your household. You would have to hire a cook, a cleaning service, a driver, all of those things. And that’s just the stuff that we do, and that’s just a body being at home. Nothing, no dollar amount or whatever currency you’re going with, can replace mom. Nothing replaces the emotional and mental and who you are in your household.
So before when you start to think that “this is too much money to spend on me,” remember you’re at least saving your family $30,000 a year, depends on you know different places in the world. But you are worth it. You are so worth it. And you know what will happen, we will still do the work, and I have a lot of women tell me: “My health is not affecting my life, because I have kids, I still gotta get up and do what I need to do. And you know what, we will do that. We will get up and do what it takes, we’ll get up early and take the kids to school, we’ll make their lunches, we’ll do everything that they need, we’ll take them to the sports, we will go at 8 pm or 9 pm to run an errand, because your child forgot to tell you earlier, and just because you’re that kind of mom. So we’re gonna put our families first. We’re gonna compensate. We’re gonna do what needs to get done. But we’re not gonna do what we want, we’re not gonna do what we desire. And our health is going to suffer. Our mental health, emotional health, and physical health too.
We’re all about women empowerment in politics and in civil rights, and that’s all great. But also yourself. Are you really putting yourself in a place where you think “Am I taking care of myself?” Because some of those decisions are coming from a husband or authority figure. I dont want go into male gender roles, because I also work with men who want to go back and check with their wives or significant others and check with what decisions they make, and that’s perfectly fine. But are you putting your value to what you contribute and provide to your family? The value of a mom.
I’ll share a personal story: I’m only human and I’m tired sometimes, and I didn’t even have energy. There were days where I didn’t have energy for my kids. And I didnt feel like the mom I wanted to be. I didn’t have that laughter or patience or awesome bedtime stories. So a little bit of me felt like “Oh if only I had more energy, I would have spent more time with my kids. But my kids would come in at night and say “You’re the best mom ever.” Because I did something really tiny and silly, and I’m like “Wow, am I the best mom for just doing this? That’s awesome.” And so, can you imagine if you are now feeling tired and you can’t get up, and you can’t do much for your family and you’re in pain or maybe you have diarrhea all the time, or whatever you’re struggling with, and your family loves you and values you, and appreciates you all that much anyways, what would you do with your family and life and the memories that you’ll create, and the joy you’ll bring to your life, if you had your health and the energy that you could have and your body was working perfectly or as perfect as it can be?
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So I’ve had people tell me: “I can’t invest in my health right now because I have to pay for my kids sports activities, or because I have a party that I have to pay for, or an event that needs to be taken care of or a vacation that I just paid for.” Are you really going to enjoy this vacation if you’re not feeling too well? And you will force yourself to. But it won’t be as much fun as it could be if you didn’t have the health issues that you are dealing with.
I have moms who are telling about the money and time barriers to taking care of your health. My kids are in sports, or I signed them up for this or that, and you know what? A lot of people are over booking their kids and their families, and that does not necessarily mean you’re giving them a better chance at life. You being there with your full mental health and your full physical health, that’s gonna set them up for success in the future much more than signing them up for another extracurricular activity or buying them something else ,or giving them those things you feel you have to pay for that you have to provide for your kids.
A lot of times people come and tell me “Oh, well if insurance doesn’t pay for it, I can’t or I will not do it” here’s another thing: an interesting statistic is that women of childbearing age are the most expensive when it comes to health insurance. So you are costing your family more money in the health insurance monthly payments and probably because the chances of pregnancy are great, but you are paying more health insurance than your husband and your kids. But you probably spend the least amount of money on your own health. So what do you think of that?
So I don’t really want this to be about working with me. And I don’t want this to be like “You have to come invest in my program” or anything. But what you need to do for yourself is really key, and if you have stomach pain or digestive issues, autoimmune disease, thyroid issues, if you can’t get up and you have pain, and you truly feel like you need diet to help you, I would be more than happy to talk with you. But it does not have to be this. It may be that you have dedicated years and years to your kids and to staying at home, to doing everything for your family and now your kids are ready to college and you don’t know what to do with your life anymore cause that’s what you thought of all your life, and all your hopes and dreams from when you were younger seem so far and maybe you just need to work with a life coach or someone who can give you some guidance. Or maybe you have a lot of stress and anxiety, and you’re going through a lot of emotional issues, then you need to work with a therapist or counselor and maybe you don’t have any of these issues and you just need a break and a time out and you need to go hangout with your friends or go on a vacation or get your monthly massage or whatever. So know that you are worth it. And we need amazing – not just okay, we don’t want to just survive the days. You feeling amazing, energized physically, and mentally in your own body, that’s what’s going to make your family happy. Sometimes I joke and I tell my husband it feels like if I’m down one day, it affects the whole family, and I feel like I don’t even have the choice to not be but positive and happy, because I can see it on my kids as well.
So you know, I’m just leaving you with this again, moms. You are the buttons that hold your family together. You are holding your siblings, or your parents, or your children, and your friends. Know that you’re worth it, your time, your energy, and your money into taking care of yourself and your health. So that was it for me from today.